Long Time..

My goodness..has it really been a year and a half? Time stands still for no one, I suppose. Well.. here I am.
Just turned 21.
Dad's hands are starting to look older, I noticed at dinner the other night.
All of us want something more out of life, but not all of us are sure just what.

Silent Film #1

My friend, Ant, and I like to make Silent Picture films, we decided.


Obviously, I want him to die.




In the end, I succeed.

I killed somebody important once.

I have recently been enlightened by a new friend.

She explained to me that in life there really are no coincidences, but rather, plans. See, the universe has these ideas for each of us.

Yesterday I ran into someone that I didn't particularly care to see; a recent ex lover of sorts. In busy downtown Pittsburgh, it isn't so likely for two people to cross paths when either of them could be anywhere else in a more likely 40 mile radius.

I couldn't help but begin to tell the friend I was with what a strange coincidence it was. She dismissed my idea of our mutual concurrence at that specific parallel on that specific plane as anything but a coincidence.

"The universe"; she said, "brought you two together for a reason."

Reasons beyond my knowledge apparently. I have no interest in being brought together with this at one time thought to be magnificent boy. Not anymore. So what the fuck does the universe know, or think it knows, that I don't?

Maybe it's punishing me. Trying to pull one over on me, eh?

And so, tonight. Tonight I'll fall asleep wondering if in another life, maybe, just maybe I killed someone. Maybe karma hates me.

It made me run into him yesterday, completely unannounced, yet was benevolent enough to not make me see him with his new/old girlfriend..and then..! Then, a little later on Primanti's ran out of cheddar cheese (which I happen to hate) so the waiter put provolone on my salad instead, which I believe makes for particularly good karma, yeah?

So that's me in a nutshell today: self proclaimed killer in another life.

My Not-Suicide Note

I have had this ongoing fear of being murdered for a while now.





It's not my apprehension of death that makes me cringe as much as the thought of my assassin setting up my death as a suicide.

What would people think?
My loved ones would think that they failed me as loved ones,
My enemies (if I have any) would laugh at the pathetic situation I had become.
Those who didn't know me would simply gawk at the dilemma, because that is what the detached do. Tragedies of just another person are always fun to look at and into.
That is because taboo excites us. Admit it! You are guilty of tuning into the news, 90% or more of which is filled with the missing, raped, and dead. I always digress...

When you kill yourself, everyone's perception of you changes in an instant.

Please know that there are few situations in which I find death a more appropriate option than living. Torturous predicaments. Physically painful, near-death-anyway sorts.

So, in the case that I am ever found hanging from a ceiling fan, or face down in a pool of my own blood with a gun in my hand, please find comfort in knowing that I did not do this to myself. Some asshole out there is just trying to get away scot-free.

Get 'em!

Let's Just Get One Thing Straight.

you have no face.

given that you did have one at some point, i am afraid that you may have lost it somewhere between may and june.


i'm sorry to say that it is impossible to go back in time, pick it up, and dust it off; given that you did have one at all in the first place..

luckily, it is however not impossible to construct a new one. not that anybody could ever take a newly constructed face seriously.



..am i ever real?

someone jacked my bike.

As my welcoming to Historical Lawrenceville, I was surprised with an anti-gift last night. I came home for the week to find that my bike was stolen, right out of my back yard and out from under my porch. Pissed, I found myself walking around the streets at midnight with a mace, looking in crevices and underneath shadows for my longtime friend. My search didn't last longer than 10 minutes as I started to weigh the consequences of walking around this city at night through dark alleyways.

So I gave up for the night, and started to look into the Free Ride organization (www.freeride.org) where you can volunteer for a few hours a week for a free bike in return.

This morning, I was running late for work and had to choose taking the car over my own two feet. Maybe I could have gotten there faster walking, parking spaces are scarce in these parts.

Just as I resorted to parking in the Rite Aid lot, a ridiculously familiar yet somewhat defaced Huffy rounded the bend. You don't see too many mountain bikes on the streets of Pittsburgh. You don't see too many turquoise Huffy mountain bikes with the climbing bars removed and the logo stickers suspiciously peeled away in Pittsburgh..
I rarely act out on cynical situations as I try to see everyone as a decent person with a conscience. But something clicked. I pulled the key out of the ignition and bolted towards this man, towards this bike. As he turned down an alley, so did I. And just as he came into my view again I yelled;

"HEY! Where did you get that bike?"

He stopped, turned around and so some small convo happened. The scruffy, middle-aged dude apparently bought it from some kid on Howley Street for $25. I live near Howley. Howley is parallel to my backyard, where my bike was jacked, mind you. I explained this to him and he handed it back to me. Simple as that. I rode it to work, locked it up, rode it home, and locked it up again. Tying her up will become a neurotic trend of mine.

Though there is no way of saying whether or not this man was the culprit, my childhood friend remains in my arms, or under my butt.. I guess.


Bike Love.