you have no face.

given that you did have one at some point, i am afraid that you may have lost it somewhere between may and june.


i'm sorry to say that it is impossible to go back in time, pick it up, and dust it off; given that you did have one at all in the first place..

luckily, it is however not impossible to construct a new one. not that anybody could ever take a newly constructed face seriously.



..am i ever real?

someone jacked my bike.

As my welcoming to Historical Lawrenceville, I was surprised with an anti-gift last night. I came home for the week to find that my bike was stolen, right out of my back yard and out from under my porch. Pissed, I found myself walking around the streets at midnight with a mace, looking in crevices and underneath shadows for my longtime friend. My search didn't last longer than 10 minutes as I started to weigh the consequences of walking around this city at night through dark alleyways.

So I gave up for the night, and started to look into the Free Ride organization (www.freeride.org) where you can volunteer for a few hours a week for a free bike in return.

This morning, I was running late for work and had to choose taking the car over my own two feet. Maybe I could have gotten there faster walking, parking spaces are scarce in these parts.

Just as I resorted to parking in the Rite Aid lot, a ridiculously familiar yet somewhat defaced Huffy rounded the bend. You don't see too many mountain bikes on the streets of Pittsburgh. You don't see too many turquoise Huffy mountain bikes with the climbing bars removed and the logo stickers suspiciously peeled away in Pittsburgh..
I rarely act out on cynical situations as I try to see everyone as a decent person with a conscience. But something clicked. I pulled the key out of the ignition and bolted towards this man, towards this bike. As he turned down an alley, so did I. And just as he came into my view again I yelled;

"HEY! Where did you get that bike?"

He stopped, turned around and so some small convo happened. The scruffy, middle-aged dude apparently bought it from some kid on Howley Street for $25. I live near Howley. Howley is parallel to my backyard, where my bike was jacked, mind you. I explained this to him and he handed it back to me. Simple as that. I rode it to work, locked it up, rode it home, and locked it up again. Tying her up will become a neurotic trend of mine.

Though there is no way of saying whether or not this man was the culprit, my childhood friend remains in my arms, or under my butt.. I guess.


Bike Love.

alone has no 'us'

there is this trend in my writings lately, i realize;

the more time i spend alone, the more distance i keep from everyone, the more i realize that i really don't want too much to do with anyone else.

it's a bit tough, as nostagia has always been a huge downfall of mine, but i have been weeding out (or atleast heavily excogitating it) those who cause me the greater stresses in my life. the sorts of people who sweat the small things that really shouldn't cause much persperation of any sort at all.




i just find it very hard to deal with the stresses and dramaticisms (yep not in the dictionary) that others seem to present to me at any given time.


i've found that, just as with any other luxury, we really do get used to emotions. it's hard coming out of relationships, or experiencing a loss because the mutual feeling that we experience with one another truely is a luxury. but we at some point adjust to being alone, just as we would have to adjust to changes in the weather or the cost of living.

i've also been coming to terms with my intimacy issues, which i gather have some sort of effect on why i feel this way.

i mean, i suppose that the company of others in small doses is mandatory for one's sanity, but nobody can meet the expectations that i have drawn for them in my own mind. nobody that i have attempted to get to know thus far, anyway.


i'll edit and piece this all together one day. but for now: my scrambled ideas.

your far away thoughts.......