alone has no 'us'

there is this trend in my writings lately, i realize;

the more time i spend alone, the more distance i keep from everyone, the more i realize that i really don't want too much to do with anyone else.

it's a bit tough, as nostagia has always been a huge downfall of mine, but i have been weeding out (or atleast heavily excogitating it) those who cause me the greater stresses in my life. the sorts of people who sweat the small things that really shouldn't cause much persperation of any sort at all.




i just find it very hard to deal with the stresses and dramaticisms (yep not in the dictionary) that others seem to present to me at any given time.


i've found that, just as with any other luxury, we really do get used to emotions. it's hard coming out of relationships, or experiencing a loss because the mutual feeling that we experience with one another truely is a luxury. but we at some point adjust to being alone, just as we would have to adjust to changes in the weather or the cost of living.

i've also been coming to terms with my intimacy issues, which i gather have some sort of effect on why i feel this way.

i mean, i suppose that the company of others in small doses is mandatory for one's sanity, but nobody can meet the expectations that i have drawn for them in my own mind. nobody that i have attempted to get to know thus far, anyway.


i'll edit and piece this all together one day. but for now: my scrambled ideas.

your far away thoughts.......